suckerpop

i was going at this the wrong way. i kept thinking, i want to be thin. i want to be sooooo thin. i want to be a model bla bla bla. but then out of nowhere it hit me, SOFIA: YOU HAVE A BOOTIE. that’s the way my body IS MEANT TO LOOK!!

 so noooow that things are in prespective, i started hitting the gym for the right reasons. now i’m eating protein, although i’m still concerned with calories and the overall nutritional value of my food. i’m going on a tuna diet! i’m going to eat tuna until it comes out of my ears. seriously. low cal. high in protein.

i worked out for an hour today. do you guys know how long it had been since i worked out …..at all..??!! ==MORE THAN TWO YEARS!! so about my goal weight, i dont know if i should change it. maybe it’s a little low. i don’t know how much i want to weigh, i just want to lose fat and gain muscle. feel better and look good in a bikini. OMG I”M 19 and i’ve never worn a bikini in public. that must be a crime.

so ok, forget my goal weight. my goal weight is: THE HOTTIE IN THE RED BIKINI. that’s my goal weight. my time frame: I HAVE UNTIL SUMMER….when it’s time to HIT THE BEACH>

i have turned on a BIKINI ALERT> ANYONE CARE TO JOIN ME?

…i should’ve read the instructions on the back of the scale before weighing myself, but silly me thought, oh no how hard could it be, its simply a scale, just put it down here and stand on it. I CRIED. 172 pounds, it read. but that’s impossible! i look the same, the clothes fit the same, i haven’t been pigging out, this cannot be!! i cried some more. threw out my honey’s valentine’s day cheesecake. cried some more. cleaned out the pantry of any junk food. cried some more. picked up the instructions for the scale. cried some more. and there it was, in bright red letters: DO NOT PLACE ON A RUG IT MAY AFFECT ACCURACY. i took it to the kitchen, the scene of the crime, layed it on the floor and stepped on it once more. 145 pounds….I LOST SEVEN POUNDS!!! wow. that was a rude wake up call.

i’ve been doing well, i’m glad to say. i’ve been cooking my own food, so it seems to be working for me. (i love to cook!) ….but i’m soooo scared of weighing myself! i can’t get myself to do it. i mean, i am curious to see if my work has payed off, but i’m also scared to find out that not much has changed.

oh oh tomorrow is my first gym day. i’m very excited. finally i have a gym to go to.

i’ve been belly dancing too, so my jeans fit better =) so ladies, jiggle around a little for an hour or two and i SWEAR your hips and all that strange “back fat” and “muffin top” will subside.

ok so now i’m back from the holidays. i’m not gonna lie….i did eat some junk. not as much as one would expect, though…. i spent the holidays away from my own home…and basically missed my own mom’s cooking. (its just not the same)

aaaaaaanyywhoooo, now i have moved to san antonio…i’m off with my bf in the big city…and i have a puppy to care for. its really a big giant handful. i hadn’t even remembered to take care of myself. i don’t think i’ve gained weight, but i’m sure i haven’t lost any. oh oh but i have good news! i have high speed internet here in this new place, so i can get online constantly and check in now. i hope you guys take me back again!!! i’m like the dog that doesn’t learn. you wet its paws and it keeps on coming back!

that’s what it seems like my mind is telling me when i walk into the bakery isle of my grocery store. cookies, pies, cakes, cupcakes. oh the cupcakes!

It didn’t used to be this way. I was a perpetual dieter. I played softball and i never ate a single slice of bread. i didn’t eat candy. no tortillas for me! no fast food. nothing. Yet, i never seemed to be losing any weight. i stayed at the same weight FOREVER. finally, when i had been going out with christopher for about a year and a half, i ventured off into the realm of food. he’s big food fanatic, like all men are, and he encouraged me to eat more. And here i am, another two years later….with this mega problem.

And now he’s been gone to medical school for about six months…i miss him terribly by the way. but I HAVENT STOPPED EATING!!! what is the problem now sofiiiaaa?? he’s gone, so now there’s no one to buy me food. but i still manage to find a way to eat sinful bites of heavenly food. not bites, more like truck-loads. and now, since we’re moving in. i’m worried that i’ll eat even more. (hopefully though, i’ll go back to my old ways and not eat around him.) oh yea, cause girls don’t eat. yea, right. just like girls don’t poop. =)

oh guys i’ve been sooo bad. soo bad. i didn’t even want to get online cause i was sooo upset..with myself. i was doing so good! i don’t even know what happened. last week. i was feeling so good about this. feeling good about myself. i knew everything was going to go well. and then bam. out of nowhere, my mom whips up one of her awesome dinners…and bam there i am. and since then…i haven’t been able to stop!! guys. pleease tell me this is normal. tell me that at least one of you has failed for a little bit, but gotten back up.

i just felt so terrible. i didn’t even turn on my laptop for two days. i was like, ooh no– my buddies will be so disappointed. look how good they do, and now look at you. gosh. eating chocolate after chocolate…and eating pork!! YES PORK!! i don’t even like pork!! but when i go on these eating crazes, i’ll eat anything. i need serious help. or i need someone to tie my hands to my back so i can’t get the food to my face. seriously.

this past week was practice round for me, and i think i did pretty well.

I currently have one more month until i go off into my new college life…I’m moving out!!! i’m pretty excited, but also kind of scared. i want to feel really good about myself when i get there so i can feel comfortable. (i’ve lived here all my life, moving off to the big city is pretty drastic.) i’m moving in with my  bf, so at least i’ll be in a comfortable environment at home. i told him about my diet, and he’s pretty suportive. (although he refuses to switch to 2% milk himself, he says he’ll get a gallon of it just for me.) gosh, i want to do so good. i haven’t been exercising at all for a really long time, but since there’s really just a month left to go, i have to kick it into high gear. i hope i can loose at least twenty pounds this month. ( i dont want to set my standards too high and be disappointed…but if i set them too low, i know i won’t work hard enough.) wish me luck on my first day of jogging…in two years!

24 days until christmas!!! this year i’m hoping for a puppy….and nothing more.

but anyhow, this is about christmas and all the activities that revolve around this magical holiday. the pie, the turkey,the mashed potatoes, the stuffing,the chocolate. oh the chocolate. but this year is going to be different, i really think so. ever since i joined this site, i’ve been eating healthier than i ever have before…EVER. (i must confess that i lost three pounds…and i’m happy.) the only way i am going to survive the christmas cheer without the chocolate…is if i allow myself a little slack every so often. so to get into the spirit, after being really good for three days, i rewarded myself by eating a little trail mix today. and i must say, i didn’t feel the least bit guilty….because now i know that i won’t  break down a couple of days from now and eat an entire cake. guys…i’m super happy about this website and what it’s done for me. so to all of you, happy early christmas and thanks for all the support!

has anyone had a fitting room nightmare lately?? it’s those times when you’re really excited about going shopping, you know, when you have a little extra cash and you deserve a spanking outfit or two…or three. you rummage about the whole store thinking, i have a purpose, today i will buy something very cute. you pick out a cute blouse, not too revealing, a little on the flowy side. pick out a pair of those skinny jeans you saw on the rachael ray show a couple of days ago, and a nice cardigan to put it all together. just in case those jeans don’t work, you take a few more. like seven more pairs of jeans. (all of these ranging in sizes from five.. to seven. (hey sometimes they come a bit tighter than you expect!) so u try on your cute blouse, and it looks great. your cardigan, its working for you. and then…. the moment of truth. you slip into your jeans…only to be stopped mid-thigh because you realize that it’s as far as  your hips will permit. you cringe, but hey that was only a size five, so you move along to the sevens. you pick them up, slip them up…but can’t button them up. (by this point you start to realize,,,that your butt isn’t as small as it used to be.) it’s been blown out of proportion, literally. you cry, put EVERYTHING back where it was, storm out of the store, go home and eat some hot-fudge brownies with vanilla ice cream. (hey, after all, it was a bad day and u deserve a little cheering up.)

That’s where we need change girls, we need to change the way we react in those situations. i too am guilty of feeling like crap because i can’t fit into some skinny jeans. oh and u know what, i even dared to go and look for a size nine, because hey a size nine is not big, and to my surprise….they DID NOT HAVE THEM IN A NINE!!! as if a size nine shouldn’t wear skinny jeans. fashion schmashion. i refuse to let some stick figure lady from paris tell me what i should and shouldnt’ wear…but also.. when i saw how bad i looked in the mirror, i realized i needed change. its not just about jeans, its about feeling good in your own body, but knowing that you’re doing good on the inside as well.

so you see, it all begins with a little extra two pounds. and you think, what’s two pounds? maybe my boobs are just getting biger (wishful thinking?), but then suddenly the two pounds turns into four and five, and you start to realize that youve’ just entered a downward spiral into fat doom!! and while sometimes i think that being fat and happy is better than being thin and miserable… i find that the truth lies somewhere between those two. (fit and fun?) so it is my desire to halt this downward spiral and take my body by the reigns…or by the hair if i have to. because quite honestly folks, those initial two blissful extra pounds turned into about ten…okay okay, it was about twelve…and the madness has got to stop! downward spiral, screech to a halt, because today was my first damn day and i did pretty darn good!

Food Log